Save screenshots of all interactions, even the "heroic" ones.
Liam? Liam showed up at my office twice before a restraining order stuck. He’s dating someone new now—I saw her tagged in a photo. She looks tired. She looks like I looked, three weeks in, pretending to shower and actually crying.
You feel a rush of intense gratitude and relief. You trust them because they "saved" you. The Red Flag: They seem a little
Where Dave was passive and pathetic, Liam was active and terrifying. Dave watched from a distance. Liam watched from inside my apartment. Dave left cheap flowers. Liam left tracking software on my phone “so you’ll always be safe.” Dave muttered to himself. Liam whispered to me— “You’re mine. Say you’re mine.” —with his lips against my throat, and somehow, impossibly, it felt both intoxicating and suffocating. the admirer who fought off my stalker was an even worse hot
I had my phone in my pocket. Not the one he knew about—the burner I’d bought three weeks earlier, when I’d first started to wonder why my GPS always seemed to know where he was. I dialed 911 without looking. I left the line open. And I ran.
His smile widened, turning into something sharper, hungrier. He reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a small, leather-bound notebook. He opened it, revealing dozens of pages covered in meticulous, elegant handwriting. Interspersed between the text were candid photographs of me. Me studying at the cafe. Me sleeping on the subway. Me laughing with my friends.
He didn't just check in; he moved in. He assumed he had a right to my space because he had "saved" it. Save screenshots of all interactions, even the "heroic" ones
If you are in a situation where someone is acting as an overbearing "savior," please know that this is a form of control, not care. Reach out for support to trusted friends or local resources. If you're interested, I can:
The red flags were there, but they were disguised as romantic gestures.
A genuine ally helps you regain your autonomy—changing your locks with you, teaching you to use a security app, accompanying you to file a police report. The Admirer-Rescuer does for you, not with you. He wants to be your security system. When you suggest taking a self-defense class, he insists on being the one to “handle it.” His goal is not your empowerment; it is your dependency. He’s dating someone new now—I saw her tagged in a photo
We’ve all daydreamed about it. The dramatic rescue. The stranger in the parking lot who clocks the guy following you. The new friend who steps in when an ex won’t take no for an answer. In a world where stalking is terrifyingly common, having someone “fight off” your harasser can feel like divine intervention.
When you are being stalked, your world shrinks to a series of locks, backward glances, and a constant, low-humming dread. You pray for a savior. But what happens when the admirer who fought off your stalker turns out to be an even worse, yet undeniably hot, nightmare?